Ardent Facade
by Raveling Eudaimonia
Summary: "Do you always fake your smile like that?" Splintering wood. Writhing rattlesnakes. A troubled replacement confused by mushy and rather emotional feelings. When the Godaime Hokage puts together a team to capture Kabuto, each of their own facades and impressions of each other are met with the sentimental solace they all seek. (Yamato x Anko x Sai) Set during the Invasion of Pain.
1. The Mission

**Ardent Facade **

**Chapter 1: The mission**

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_Standard disclaimers apply. _

* * *

Dawn cracked through the sky and ensconced the horizon as a small ray of sunlight filtered through the main Hokage's window. Tsunade sat across from her desk and folded her arms, sniffing at the nearest sake bottle that was within seconds of being downed upon. Shizune gave a small squeak and scuttled over to her side. Tonton made a face and only wheezed in response.

"The papers…Tsunade – sama...the papers should be here somewhere." She muttered to herself. The nearby clock that hung on the wall began to start ticking, irking Tsunade to get up and walk around pacing.

_Honestly how long does it take for someone to answer a call for a single mission?_

Two unmasked ANBU members watched the scene silently, one clearly fascinated with the current situation. Sai stifled a curious grin. "This er – Anko, is she usually this late?"

Yamato shrugged.

"Well, actually she's best known for arriving far too early and interrupting others during an important – "

"Tsunade – sama!"

_She's here alright._

"I'm here! Did cha all miss me?" The door had flung open and now revealed Anko who was barging who way through the room, donning a Cheshire-cat grin and fish net attire. Tsunade regarded her dryly.

"You're late, Anko."

"Well you and Ibiki are always complaining I arrive way too early for everything! Figured I might kill a bit of time and arrive here late to shake things up a little!"

"The reason I called you up here was because of a mission that involves – "

"Hey, Yamato! Long-time no see, eh?"

The Wood Release user raised his head to watch Anko bound from one place to another, slapping his back hard as she reached him. He tilted his head forward in acknowledgement. "It's been ages since I last saw you. I gotta admit you're all hardened up over the years!"

"Yeah, I suppose it has. Being injected with the DNA of the First Hokage certainly has its own interesting perks."

The fire in her eyes slowly died as she turned to the side, somewhat ashamed.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Why should you be? After all it was _him_ – not you who committed the deed." He gave a warm smile as Anko shook her head to regain focus and shifted her attention to Sai. She grinned slyly and pinched his ear hard.

"Who's this pale freak?" Sai grimaced at the high pitch in her voice and forced a smile. "I'm guessing he'll be part of this team too?"

_The little runt looks like he'll burn easily in the sun._

Shizune made a pleasant face. "This is Sai. He's the replacement for Sasuke in Team Seven and a member of the ANBU and disbanded faction Root."

_Ah, he's got a pair of big shoes to fill up for the Uchiha runaway._

"He also the very person who Danzo assigned to form a collaboration between himself and Orochimaru." Interjected Tsunade who nodded grimly. She continued to talk hesitantly whilst noticing that Anko had stiffened at the mention of her former master.

"Sai as well as Yamato were the very last ones to witness the encounter of Orochimaru and Kabuto during Naruto's transformation into the Three tails. Because of that I have decided that they hold critical information regarding Kabuto's current position. These are the reasons why I have specifically chosen them for the mission."

The three shinobi watched the Godaime pick up a sheet of paper from and turned to face the heart of the village, her back towards them. "After the death of Orochimaru at the hands of Sasuke, it was said that Kabuto had fled and there were indeed a number of sightings of him. It is also reported that he now spots a rather ghastly appearance as he injected a large number of cells from the remains of Orochimaru and currently upholds a strong influence over snakes and the power of their toxins."

Anko released a low growl and muttered under her breath as Shizune blanched. "How fucking vile! What sort of person does that sort of thing – "

Tsunade held up a hand.

"Due to the trouble brewing thanks to the Akatsuki and their nonstop hunt for Naruto and this case of Kabuto's return;" she waved her hand and gestured to the outskirts of the village. "I have assigned the three of you to embark on a case to locate Kabuto's current trail and capture him. Yamato will be placed as the captain due his extensive knowledge of his past whereabouts."

Yamato gave a sincere bow and small utter of reassurance. "Of course, Tsunade – sama."

Tsunade turned to look at them all hard in the eyes. "If anything goes wrong then report back to me immediately. For the mean time stay under these orders: Find the trail. Locate the whereabouts. Capture him. That's your mission."

"Hai!"

~-0-~

Anko fiddled with a blunt kunai as she took in the sight of her new comrades for this assignment. They would all need some time getting used to each other. No matter, things would work out anyway. She gave a quick glance at the pale boy, Sai or whatever his name was and pondered if this really was the emotionless guy that had the Uzumaki kid stirring up. She had the heard the various rumours.

The ones about the two often clashing due to their differences in rationality and emotions. The times where the Root member would end up getting on everyone's nerves due to his lack of a rather colourful vocabulary nowadays. And outwardly, his high misunderstanding of social and sexual references and indecent jokes.

She gave a sudden giggle at the memory of hearing the tale of how the two met and Sai stared at in bizarrely. Upon a conversation of having balls or not, apparently. A smirk formed on her face.

_I'll teach this kid whose boss. You don't wanna mess with a grown woman!_

Her sharp eyes then found their way on the Yamato and softened. Whatever it was, there would always be that fine line of empathetic understanding between them. An underlying secret about the past that both had dared only to utter to the closest of friends and family. They both had been captives under same person, who wanted nothing but immortality. They had been both treated as discard-able test subjects for a sole reason of experiments, by a person who yearned and desired for everything such as power and control.

Pawns.

They were nothing but pawns and disposable debris in full power play. That's what they were once in the past, what they had both become now in the present?

Perhaps she would find the answer within the depths of this mission.

"So Anko, do you understand the contents of this mission? I'm not labelling it an S – class of nothing ya know."

Anko looked up from her observational daze and found herself staring into the amber eyes of the Hokage waiting patiently for her answer.

"Yeah, I understand." She formed a hard fist and pounded it relentlessly through the air and grinned. "Let's get this show on the road then!"

Yamato and Sai could only stare with newfound amusement as she happily turned on her heel and stalked off. Tsunade raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Yamato."

"Hai?"

"Keep an eye on Anko, will you?"

"Of course, Tsunade – sama. Don't you worry about that. It's only her interaction with someone like Sai that concerns me a little."

The pair and Shizune shared a small chuckle as the door snapped shut, leaving a preoccupied Root member to wander around in the hallway.

There was definitely a connection between the fishnet lady and the wood user. Maybe they would admit it, maybe they wouldn't. Whatever it was, it was his role to find out. Whether or not he wanted to keep up the passive mask he always wore, especially around those two, would be the true challenge.


	2. Ambient Secrecy

**Ardent Facade **

**Chapter 2: Ambient secrecy**

* * *

_Standard disclaimers apply. _

* * *

"Anko, have you caught his scent yet?"

"I've only got a small whiff of his chakra imprints, mate. Where did you and Sai last see him?"

"We encountered him around the northern border. If he's heading down south then that's not good news at all."

"Then it's time to get a move on and slice open this snaking motherfucker!"

Sai forced himself to keep a straight face as he lagged closely behind Yamato and Anko, keen on making a productive observation on the two. Looking up to view the hasty scene, he sighed and wiped his brow from sweat. They had set off in the early morning, the trio determined to get a head start.

Whether it was the brooding feeling that still hung in the back of his head or the constant amusement of his newfound comrade, his mind seemed to already be made up.

The journey to truths and lies would start from here, and the voyage of past conflicts and future resolutions would begin from now.

Swiftly landing to stop on a nearby tree branch as Anko suddenly halted in mid-air to discuss something with Yamato; he raised an eyebrow and pressed his lips together closely as the two both cracked up with a few hearty laughs.

All throughout his life, the word _emotion_ had truly meant nothing to him. It was nothing but a mere group of letters which formed a text to outline the presence of emotive feelings. Joy, love, hatred, the light and the dark, all flew past his ears with ease. His body bore no warmth towards the cold, yet it radiated a message that so many others before him had failed to comprehend.

_Shinobi are tools._

Tools to be wielded and aimed by the handler. Tools to tear and rip through mangled pieces of flesh and blood, only to be wiped clean and purified free of any unnecessary baggage such as emotions.

"_Emotions lead one to hate…and hate leads on to conflict and war…" _

There had been a time where he had doubted that. A time when the enlightening sensation of laughter could freely run through his veins and there wasn't a moment filled without the surging ignition of a simple smile.

_Shin. _

The name bore great memories of secluded happiness. The very sound drew Sai's absolute and undivided attention.

_The sun bore down hard as two young shinobi panting in the heated rays. A pair of kunai hung above their heads, both slamming into the target with such accuracy and sheer force. However only one kunai managed to pierce the thick wooden layers of the other target board that was opposite them. Shin peered through his grey bangs and widened his eyes._

"_That's my kunai, I guess I win."_

_Sai felt his shoulders droop. Disappointment easily surfaced through his voice as he allowed a soft smile to form on his features. _

"_I have no luck." And then to his complete surprise, Shin just gave a wild grin. _

"_Luck is a skill too!"_

Sharp tongued, optimistic and easily unrefined in his own loud manner, Shin was an individual who held a radiant beacon for those who were forced to draw in the dark.

He had provided Sai with a world to carve out his own endeavours and opportunities as well the paper needed to draw the many numerous aspirations. He had lit up the inner spark that an artist needed to colour in the outlines of their greatest works, the supportive easel of a painting that was at the peak of its creation.

Shin, the tall lanky boy who had bestowed a whole new domain for Sai to live in – was like his brother.

_Brother Shin. _

And the yet – the name yielded a silent tale of crying desolation.

_With the cold metal and hard pressure of a kunai at his throat, Sai forced his mouth open to his speak. Only he couldn't. Shin lay sprawled on the ground and grunted. The exasperated wheezing and chokes escaped his burning throat. _

"_You are much too gentle to make it out alive."_

"_Brother…"_

"_But you are the one who will live…" _

_As if the unknown medical condition that was corrupting Shin's organs and internal systems had decided to reveal its mark once more, Sai could do nothing but watch in horror as Shin continued to gasp for air. Drops of blood splattered across the ground. _

"_You must kill your emotions. Otherwise duty will destroy you."_

_The sight of Shin coughing up even more bloodied debris wasn't his first. Nevertheless, Sai knew it would be his last. _

"_Now go. And live my share too." _

_Unable to control the overwhelming feelings of anguish, the surging emotion of torment and suffering, tears threatened to flow. _

"_Brother…" _

"_Don't cry! Didn't I tell you to kill your emotions?" _

_With the wind stinging harshly behind his back and the rough terrain of the forest failing to dissuade Shin from streaking pain, Sai gave him one last look and turned on his heel to shoot off into the caverns of green and brown of the unknown. _

It had seemed almost impossible; the idea that one had to kill his teammate in order to make it to the next stage of ROOT seemed so unfathomable for Sai to comprehend. The suppression of those who he had ever loved, known and cared for seemed outrageously preposterous. It went against everything he had ever known.

It opposed everything that the balanced the bonds of friendship and amity that Shin had taught him.

_We can't all be the heroes, because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by._

But above it all, an order was an order. And unto that dying wish, Sai realized that he would have to hold onto that last picture that Shin had desired to see. As time went by and as the years quickly went by, the whole idea of suppression and subdual to his feelings soon had their benefits. Various tasks and missions were completed faster than the anticipated time.

Collaboration and partnership with other acquaintances and comrades were given a mere batting of an eyelid, for no ill feelings were present. It was during those years, that Sai seemed to be at peace within himself. Only his artworks held a lingering secret of silent tact and emotion.

_There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love._

His time with Danzo had taught him that much.

That in order for Sai to achieve the ultimate level of physical, intellectual and psychological superiority; he would have to release the excess waste behind and deny those who meant the most to his heart. Passive remarks and emotionless facial expressions were to be his new comrades in the social world.

For years, the boy had lived the silent life in succession.

For years, the boy had held his tongue and bowed his head low, waiting and wondering in silence what all of this secrecy and tight isolation was even worth.

And then he met _him_.

_Uzumaki Naruto._

The blonde boy had been the biggest idiot that Sai had ever come across. Loud, utterly obnoxious and insanely corrupted with a craving for ramen, the boy amused him.

"_Who the hell are you?!"_

"_You're kind of a pussy, aren't you? Do you even have a dick?" _

"_?!"_

The sheer memory of their first encounter instantly had small crinkles at the ends of his mouth daring to open into laughter. The boy had to be the most unpredictable person he had encountered, spirits running high and his heart clearly ruling above his head.

Naruto had been the loudest, most brash and flamboyant person ever to be looked upon down by those standing in the heavens, and yet above it all, Sai had come to realize that all he could ever see was someone who resembled Brother Shin.

His abilities weren't the exactly impressive at first glance but within the bright blue orbs that ignited the fiery aura that the village was known for, it was obvious his perception of the ninja had been overlooked in the shadows.

"_I am strong because I have people to protect."_

The desire to protect those he loved and to nurture the smallest of sentiments into the mightiest of sensations for the human soul to enjoy – fire ran deep through the boy's heart. The emotions that could be seen through the cerulean hues spoke of a great journey.

One that was so vast and immense in detail that it would take a hundred years to explore every crack and creak.

_Naruto's bonds with Sasuke._

The story of the two replayed through his mind as Sai found himself more and more immersed into what seemed to be a giant pandemonium. The Uchiha was a castaway, a criminal who was yet to be bound in prison. His confrontation with the shinobi had proven what was already confirmed, Sasuke had already fought against his own demons, delving in his own wrath of chaotic fire.

Any fool could see that – so why couldn't Naruto?

_"I don't care who I have to fight… If he rips my arms off, I'll kick him to death. If he rips my legs off, I'll bite him to death. If he rips my head off, I'll stare him to death. And if he gouges out my eyes, I'll curse him to death… Even if I'm torn to shreds… I will take Sasuke back!"_

The revelation of the glinting strength between the two and the changing interactions had caught Sai's eye. It drove him to form swift hand strokes with a brush and a set of ink, satisfaction never becoming a word that described the after feelings of his artworks.

_"Even when I force myself to smile. It seems I'm the type of person who ends up being hated."_

The memory made him chuckle. It was then that Sai had realized all along, echoing in gentle strokes of ink and a brush – he was yearning to have a bond.

_"If people change… then so can I. But some things never change. Bonds. I'd like to learn more about them."_

A relationship with someone who despite the many alterations and similarities; carried the desire to create a pillar to support a bridge for the two to walk upon. Sai wanted to caress, ponder and experience the passion and fervency of such a thing and yet – the question still haunted him at the end of the chosen path: Would he release his emotions?

"_I don't have any of what you'd call "emotions."_

_"Sai is the name I was given for this mission…I'm nobody. I am a tool for Lord Danzō. I don't exist."_

Time would tell whether or not he was ready. However, he would latch on tightly for the meantime. In the right a hand corner of his view, Sai began to watch the relations and various exchanges between Anko and Yamato.

There was obviously something close between the two. There was obviously what many would describe as a _bond._ With his mind telling him to stay put, yet his heart protesting to move even if was only a single step, the question pounded through Sai's ears: what was his bond with Anko and Yamato?

"Oi – what are you doing just gawking over there?"

The sound of Anko's shrill shriek pierced through the silence as Sai immediately allowed a small smile to touch over his innocent features.

"Sorry about that," he chuckled, "I was just confirming there weren't any prying ears –"

"Well, use that ass of yours to get up and move around. We're gonna head over a few kilometres to the north and shelter for a good snack there."

"Ah, my apologies."

"It's all good, kiddo."

Giving the boy a thumbs up, Anko dropped her hand to her hip and frowned as she eyed him curiously. "Any tighter that grip of yours will form on that cinchy book, the easier it'll fall apart."

As Anko motioned for him to run ahead in front of her with a cheesy grin, it was only then did Sai realize that his knuckles had turned white due to his grip on a book. Doing a double take, he flipped through the pages and looked up. It was his picture book.

_Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you._

~-0-~

The boy was something to definitely keep an eye on.

That was one thing which was immediately confirmed to Anko regarding the past occurrences of Sai she had seen.

She watched quietly as he squatted over a small fire, his fingers hovering over the small flickers of light that sparked in the night. After a few mute seconds passed and he still remained in his crouched position, either he hadn't noticed Anko or he just couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge her existence behind a thin tree. Perhaps he –

"Anko-san."

The tone of his neutral voice shattered her thoughts as she realized she had been caught. A forced smile plastered on her face as she immediately stepped out.

_Damn. _

"Come and stay warm near the fire, you'll freeze to death out there."

"Couldn't have said it any better than myself, youngster."

"May I ask what exactly _were _you doing?"

"Waiting for Yamato – he's taking a while."

"Ah, he should be here in a few minutes time."

Distrust was thick in the air as Anko cautiously analysed the area she was about to make camp in. The sight of smoke trailing from the fire filled his senses; Sai raised his head to match her hazy gaze and smiled.

"I am not a spy, Anko-san. Surely my time with the Hidden Leaf Village has proven that."

Anko froze as she heard the statement, dropping a piece of half-chewed meat in the process. ROOT wasn't exactly widely known amongst the shinobi; however the name could pierce the ears of those who held a higher status. The likes of such a secretive group with an unnecessary role in the Konohagakure Village weren't fully favoured either.

Yet amongst the floaty leaves and the burning fires in the villager's hearts, there was always room for those who desired a friendship, bonds and ultimately camaraderie. Tales of Naruto's strained relationship with the boy were wide in the community.

"I never said that I distrusted you –"

"Or do you believe the likes of me to be the contrary, the complete opposite?"

She failed to gather a decent response as she cursed whilst picking off dirt from her food. Looking up, the boy stood tall and faced her directly as if issuing her challenge. She stepped forward to hold his gaze.

"With the current bonds I have with you and Danzō and the whole of this systematic group called ROOT, I'd like to say I believe neither."

She watched as he gave her a curt nod and returned to cooking his meal. Those in ROOT, however, were always torn in their own internal battles. It had never really occurred to her that she would ever be in an alliance with one. Picking up a flask and carefully drinking the water, her sips became smaller and smaller as the seconds had started to tick by.

"What was it like?" she asked suddenly, earning her a looking of confusion. "ROOT, I mean. Was the structure really much different from Konoha's regular system?"

"If I were to base my answer on the current situations and past experiences I have encountered with the two, then it would be a yes and a no."

"So you agree there are some quite large differential factors between the two."

"Yes, of course."

"Oh, in what way?"

The question had broken the icy waters between the two, earning what might've been a streak of light in the murkiest of waters. Sai stared into his rice bowl that was still unbelievably full and then back up at her.

"Bonds."

Anko stared at him as if he had grown two horns. Surely a member of the ROOT would've said something far, much wiser.

"_What?"_

"Bonds." He said simply, his shoulders shrugging, "Is there problem with that?"

"No," she replied quickly, "not at all. It's just for a member of the ROOT, it's well, I dunno – rather unusual to hear."

"You were expecting to hear something else?"

"Well, I can hardly recall hearing a ROOT member talking about emotional matters. Least of all, _bonds_."

She stared hard at him, scrutinising his lean figure and the small shadows it made across the plain fields that ran across the earth before them. As Sai beckoned her to sit down, she motioned for him to do the same.

"It's true; when I came to the village I didn't have what many of you would call 'emotions.'" he declared clearly, as if the winds that flowed by dared to defy to him. "I was forced to smile, create facial expressions that I hadn't used in years and even laugh when the rivers of humour seemed to dry out." He looked up at the fire and Anko swore he was trying to find something that flickered in and out of the blames. "It seems during the first period of my time here, all I could do was open old wounds for my two teammates – Ugly and Dickless. I admit that when it comes down to loyalty between ROOT and the Leaf, I still am quite perplexed between the two."

"There's a massive gap between the two, kiddo. In the Hidden Leaf, your emotions are able to run wild. You're able to create relationships with others, and possibly in turn grant yourself with the _Will of Fire_. In that shitty frat house you call 'home,' I can't possibly imagine the things you'd have to experience."

He raised an eyebrow at mention of _shitty frat house _and then chewed on his lip. "You're a lot like him."

"Who?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Ah, the blond kid who wants to be Hokage."

Anko released a hearty chuckle and then sighed to look at the pale boy whose skin lit up from the orange and red tones of the fire. "He appeals to you, doesn't he? In fact – he appeals to everyone. With the loud spirit he has and the vigorous aura around that guy, anyone would want a_ bond _with him. He has the power to change anyone, they say. I bet he's even changed you."

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

"Then tell me then, how are we alike?"

"Your emotions run strong. It makes me wonder as to what sort of bonds you have with others."

She could only gasp at his tone, the bluntness echoing in her ears. This boy was meant to be a tool, one that would only wield itself at the very order of the wielder and until now – he hadn't chosen its aim.

Sure as a child and even now as an adult she was loud, utterly rambunctious and without a doubt quite vivacious in the most disorderly fashion. It was true that her heart ruled her head and nonetheless her tongue was only one of the very simple things she used to voice out her own opinion when needed.

The bonds she shared with and the relationships she ignited with others?

_Don't make me laugh._

They were already tattered beyond her own personal ability to repair. And here this boy sat next to her, daring to speak as if he had firsthand experience in such matters. In a way, it made her want to sympathise for the boy.

Sai watched in silence as the fishnet lady seemed to be fighting her own emotions, a battle between fury and angst itself. A part of him wanted to ask if she was alright, but his other conscious told him to keep out. He was only here for intelligence and information collecting, anyway.

And unbelievably, he seemed to be combatting his own battles as well. She looked at him curiously forward.

"What does the word emotion mean for someone like you?"

Again, the question made him ponder, it made him think. It made him contemplate to the point where he could only fly back to the start of it all.

"I…"

"Do you wish to have bonds with anyone? I'm sure the future blondaime is definitely one."

God forbid, he wasn't mean to be acting like this. He was supposed to have his entire negative and positive emotions in check, the supressing of the two as tight as his grip of his ink brush. But he was faltering.

"I don't know as much as I would like to say." He replied slowly, "In the past I had someone in my life who was like another version of Naruto, someone whose emotions ran as strong as his. The bond I had with him was completely unspeakable, I'd rather draw pictures to represent and convey them rather than right verbally speak about it."

"Feel free to kill the grass here and make the earth your own free canvas."

"However now that he's gone and my emotions are already intact with the dead, I honestly feel nothing."

There was no hint of sadness in his words, no sense of mourning or sheer amount of grief that would weep for those who had been lost.

"And then I look at _him_, Uzumaki Naruto – and it makes me realise what a fool I've been to abandon such feelings."

"So the word _emotion _does have some meaning to you."

"I don't know. There are times when I ask myself, why can't I laugh and be so jolly joyful like the others? Why can't I be happy, without giving off such an impression that is surely fake? Why is it that I have nothing, absolutely nothing to protect?"

"Denial to certitude is the go ahead of castigation, kid. You have to let go."

"Then answer this question, Anko-san: why can't I smile?"

The tree leaves above them gently swayed to the sides as the night when on, an owl hooting for the creatures of the dark to be sane and silent. _Even I don't know the answer to that. _She glanced at him solemnly.

"Well I guess it's time for me to look for Tenzo. That guy is just taking far too long for my liking."

"I'll see you in the morning then, Anko-san. Sleep well."

Anko swivelled around to head into the woods when she stumbled out of nowhere and realized she had stubbed her toe, cursing who knows what in utter pain. Her eyes widened as the feeling of something thick collided with her foot again.

_It's that god damn book again._

Instantly a pair of hands snatched it up. As she frowned in annoyance, the book was gone before she had even knelt down to pick it up. Sai stood before her with the small object that was now wrapped gently in his hands. He smiled at her disgruntled reaction.

"While the truth of me having a rather low level of understanding basic human emotions still runs strong, this book is rather precious."

She snorted at the excuse, unimpressed at the rubbish she was hearing.

"And why not? It's just a book after all."

"Yes, that may be true. However I hope you can understand that I wish to keep this matter private. I may not know much about bonds and the things that many of you would call precious." She watched as he swivelled around to grasp his water flask and started to walk off in the opposite direction, "but this book is something that I know I can classify as dearly precious to me. Call it a _bond_ if you'd like."

~-0-~

The air was crisp and in addition to that confirmation, Anko really wished she had worn a thicker jacket. As she trudged through the trees, a few wet leaves stuck to her ankles and she swatted at them annoyingly. Resting upon a tree and observing her with slight amusement, Yamato hid a smirk. "Difficult as a child, difficult as an adult." Anko gave him a dirty look and scowled.

"What're you trying to say?"

"Just a totally different way of saying how utterly difficult you are and always were."

"Huh."

Yamato stopped fiddling with a nearby branch, his eyes drawn to Anko as she stared into the fire back at their campsite. The flames slowly died out. "Difficult students are all the more rewarding to teach. Their emotions run strong."

"And those who mask their emotions?"

"They're the hardest to teach. More often, there are consequences than rewards that pay the price."

Yamato tossed her a wooden log for her to carry back and sniggered as it smacked her in the face. "I guess. What are you trying to do with that kid?"

"I don't trust him."

It was a statement, a fact that Anko wanted him to be aware of regardless of the fact that they were _all _meant to be working as a team. The moon seemed to be smiling down upon them as she started to walk back with the wood jutsu user. She rubbed her cheek as a small, red welt began to form. "The kid's a real mess thanks to that idiot, Danzo and the way he's been acting ever since I met him is getting suspicious to me."

"And your evidence to prove that is?"

"I've got none. But I know he's up to something – I can feel it in my bones."

"You know, for a second I thought you were gonna say _snakeskin._"

"Ha. Ha. I don't even find that remotely funny."

"And yet, I, Tenzo, am not even laughing."

A playful smirk began to creep on their faces as a chortle, and then a snigger which transformed into a laugh was released. Finally the sound of hilarity died down as they made their way into a familiar sight. Anko gazed at a stray piece of meat that was quickly turning into a pile of burnt ashes in the fire.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you hate Orochimaru; do you hate him for all he's done?"

"Hate him? Loathe him? Who wouldn't?"

"Stop playing around and give me a proper answer."

The look on Anko's face told it all, the unease clearly shining through those dark eyes. Yamato could only fist a few fingers through his hair and sigh. "Of course I do." He answered, finally. "Of course I do. Those years of prison and to be locked up in solitary confinement, to being told you're _'the perfect vessel for a perfect experiment' _sure puts a lot of heavy weight on your heart."

"I see."

"Why do you ask?"

"Nothing much."

"Oh? You know," inquired Yamato slowly, "you really haven't been acting yourself lately. Is there something wrong?" Anko shook her head quickly to respond with a _no_. The memory of last seeing the snake man during the encounter with during the encounter with Kabuto also began to surface and sift through his head.

"It makes me wonder at times, what am I? What kind of a man am I considered to be amongst the various ranks of the Konohagakure shinobi?" The best of the best? Or the spitting failure of what was supposed to be a _perfect_ reincarnation of the Shodai?

"Don't be ridiculous, there are so many out there who think so highly of you –"

"Or am I just a monster?"

The resounding _snap _of a stick made Anko realize how strong Yamato had been clenching onto those past years. The thought of self-doubt and insecurity of one's own personal identity and the yearning to confirm their own existence in this cruel, _cruel_ world just tore at her mind.

"You are much more than that." She avowed, "You've always been far more than that."

Upon hearing that he smiled at her warmly and licked his lips, "It took me a while to realize that. Throughout my childhood I was truly a lost cause, questioning my own existence and whether or not it was better to regard my life as a hellish reality or some illusion."

He shrugged at the reminiscences and musings. "In a way, I could thank him. After all, adversity has the effect of igniting talents and skills that may have lain dormant. Who knew I would have the compatibility with the First Hokage's cells? I suppose I could thank him, if I ever took up the chance."

"It's nice to see that there's no resentment inside you." replied Anko bitterly, the feelings of hatred surging strongly in her veins towards her past master. "I know I couldn't do it."

Yamato looked up and gazed at her watching the night sky, curiosity glistening. "It's not always healthy to carry a grudge against someone. Eventually you'll get over it."

"And if I don't?"

"Then take a look at Kabuto once we encounter him again, and ask yourself if that man was the type of person you'd wanted to become."

Silence filled the two as they both took a sip from their hot drinks, thick, white froth forming at the top of their mugs. Anko ran her tongue over the roof of her mouth to cool her heated gums. "_The best medicines always taste bitter._ That was what Orochimaru-sama would always say. For a while or in other words for a very long time – I believed in that."

"You did?"

"I did. And it made wonder, if I was like a cheap, sweet tasting lolly to him. It made me ask myself if I was something that was just an object able to be discarded, a small part of his quest to find and conquer the kingdom of immortality."

"You have provided the Konohagakure Village with far more than we could ever imagine – "

"And then I look at you, and I remember the events of _that_ night. When he lined all of you up and forced you to lie still upon the freezing metal tables during midnight whilst saying he was just going to _'collect a bit of everything._'"

Yamato stared at her grimly and put his cup firmly on the ground. "That was in the past," he started, "you and I were only children then and did not even have power to stand a chance against him." Anko ignored him.

"I look at you, and I recall the moments when he would ask me to fetch a batch of fresh and newly sterilised needles, saying that it was for the greater good of the future and I could bloody do was fucking stand there and stare at the children in the eyes."

"You remember that night?"

"As much as the pain I had to go through when receiving the curse mark." Anko stared at the ground and held onto the nearby grass, her knuckles whitening. "That was the first and only I felt like I could do nothing, I could just sit there, stand there and watch as he tortured you and others. Yamato could only watch as she rose and raised a fist towards the ground.

"Anko – "

"That was the first and only time I felt so useless. The first and only time I could do _nothing_." Instead, her fist swung around backwards and lunged towards an old tree, shattering it in the process.

"Anko." He declared, his facial expression serious. "You cannot change who you were then, however you can change who you choose to become now."

"Apparently, I didn't have lust of desire, the need to kill and obtain all that I wanted, and the endurance that would be so direly craved for all eternity. So I was just _shoved _out of the way, abandoned if you might so describe it."

And then she spat on the ground, a slither amongst the trees able to be heard and then a few tired pants as she looked up to the heavens. "And then I look at Kabuto and ask myself, what makes him the best medicine, compared to me and all the others? How can he endure it, when I can't? What does he have – that I didn't?"

As she didn't bother to wait for his answer and bid him good night, Yamato could only form a wooden roof over their heads in reply and hope for a better tomorrow. A white snake hung in the trees and trailed its eyes over the campsite, disappearing from view.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'd really like to thank everyone for the lovely reviews! I really didn't think I'd get much feedback to be honest. Anyway, hopefully you had a bit of a read from this chapter, I'm going to try and think of something for the next one now. Feel free to voice your thoughts and opinions! :)


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